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This month is Black History Month! I would like to share this article as attached that I read when completing my masters of social work degree. The article provides some really good examples of some of the things that are taken for granted or not considered in terms of privilege. 
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I noticed on my calendar that it is LGBTQIA + History Month and it couldn’t have been a better time to write this, as I have had several conversations with parents, clients, and friends and family about topics related to the LGBTQIA + community.
I understand the fears and misunderstandings that many parents have when it comes to raising children and how to support them in exploring their sexual orientation and identity, just as I understand how it might be challenging to learn about this topic in general for anyone. My hopes and intentions are for others to educate themselves and learn about the importance of respect, understanding and acceptance of other people that are different than them, because we all deserve to feel safe and loved. Here are some resources that can help enhance your knowledge and educate you on this topic: -Exploring Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation in Youth. This is through the Institute of Child Psychology https://instituteofchildpsychology.com/product/exploring-gender-identity-sexual-orientation-in-youth/ -Here is a website that shares some history and some education for those interested in learning more: https://www.queerevents.ca/canada/pride/history The Government of Canada has some information about Transgender Awareness which includes a variety of resources, events and training opportunities: -Transgender Awareness Week - Canada.ca PFLAG Parents and friends of lesbians and gays, is the first and largest organization that provides support, education and advocacy for the LGBTQIA+ people and their family and friends. PFLAG Canada | For All Families It has almost been 6 months since I started counselling clients through my private practice. I am happy to share that it has been a great experience so far and it continues to get better.
I am always happy to listen to the stories my clients share about their courage and resiliency through the difficult challenges in their lives. There is always something to learn from the people I talk to and it is very rewarding work. A lot of the people who reach out for help are ready to do some work, ready to take personal responsibility, make some changes, and many understand that it’s not easy. The one thing that bothers me the most, is when there are people who say there is nothing wrong and that they don’t need any help but it’s so very obvious that they are struggling. I think we all know one or more people like this? And I am not referring to the clients who receive counselling. I wish there was something that can influence them to get the help they need, but the reality is that they have to be the one who asks for help and nothing will change until they do this! This attached post about self-care really resonated with me because it’s a conversation I have daily with clients. Improving our lives, maintaining a healthy life, and making changes is hard! But in the long run, it makes all the difference. Asking for help is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. Please take care! https://www.facebook.com/506944552/posts/10158677971774553/?d=n Nepenthe November 27, 2019 · “Self-care is often a very unbeautiful thing. It is making a spreadsheet of your debt and enforcing a morning routine and cooking yourself healthy meals and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution. It is often doing the ugliest thing that you have to do, like sweat through another workout or tell a toxic friend you don’t want to see them anymore or get a second job so you can have a savings account or figure out a way to accept yourself so that you’re not constantly exhausted from trying to be everything, all the time and then needing to take deliberate, mandated breaks from living to do basic things like drop some oil into a bath and read Marie Claire and turn your phone off for the day. A world in which self-care has to be such a trendy topic is a world that is sick. Self-care should not be something we resort to because we are so absolutely exhausted that we need some reprieve from our own relentless internal pressure. True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from. And that often takes doing the thing you least want to do. It often means looking your failures and disappointments square in the eye and re-strategizing. It is not satiating your immediate desires. It is letting go. It is choosing new. It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others. It is living a way that other people won’t, so maybe you can live in a way that other people can’t. It is letting yourself be normal. Regular. Unexceptional. It is sometimes having a dirty kitchen and deciding your ultimate goal in life isn’t going to be having abs and keeping up with your fake friends. It is deciding how much of your anxiety comes from not actualizing your latent potential, and how much comes from the way you were being trained to think before you even knew what was happening. If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with “treating yourself” and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness. It is no longer using your hectic and unreasonable life as justification for self-sabotage in the form of liquor and procrastination. It is learning how to stop trying to “fix yourself” and start trying to take care of yourself… and maybe finding that taking care lovingly attends to a lot of the problems you were trying to fix in the first place. It means being the hero of your life, not the victim. It means rewiring what you have until your everyday life isn’t something you need therapy to recover from. It is no longer choosing a life that looks good over a life that feels good. It is giving the hell up on some goals so you can care about others. It is being honest even if that means you aren’t universally liked. It is meeting your own needs so you aren’t anxious and dependent on other people. It is becoming the person you know you want and are meant to be. Someone who knows that salt baths and chocolate cake are ways to enjoy life – not escape from it.” -Brianna Wiest [Illustration: Yaoyao Ma Van As Art ] It has been a very busy month. The kids went back to daycare for two days each week and some businesses and services have started to open up. This month, I had a lot of sessions with children and their parents, and adults who have experienced childhood trauma. I have also completed some specific training on helping children cope with anxiety, grief, and loss. In addition, I completed some general training about the impacts of trauma and some alternative treatments. As such, I would like to share a few resources for parents to help understand and help their children.
When I became a parent and started learning about the developing brain and how to parent my children, I realized that a lot of the skills are applicable for everyone regardless if you are a parent or not. I learned that we have to regulate our own emotions and increase our own self-awareness to understand what makes us tick in order to set a good example for our kids and to be calm, assertive, and empathetic. Setting expectations and boundaries isn’t just a parenting tool, but can also be used in all of our relationships. The impacts of trauma on children have significant consequences for the developing brain and therefore create a variety of difficulties in adulthood such as, problems regulating emotions, challenges in developing healthy relationships, and addictions. While there is hope and treatment available for survivors of trauma, not everyone gets the help they need and these problems are often passed down generation after generation. I have become very interested in brain development and parenting because it teaches me so much about human behavior and myself. I would never consider myself the perfect parent, nor do I believe it exists. Abuse in any form is not a form of discipline and there are no good excuses. We are all dealt with different challenges in our lives, but we have choices to take personal responsibility and to ask for help and help ourselves improve our situations. Parenting is a practice and everyday our behaviors and responses to other behaviors can have an impact on those around us: our children, our neighbors, and our selves. There are so many books, websites, and courses available to provide skills and support for parents and children. Here is a list of resources about parenting that I recommend: Books: Parenting From the Inside Out [Daniel Siegal] Whole Brain Child [Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson] No Drama Discipline [Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson] Last Child in the woods book [Richard Louv] Self-compassion for parents [Susan M.Pollak, EdD] The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Raising Children with Courage, Compassion & Connection [Brene Brown] Here are some books about understanding trauma and the treatment available: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma [Bessel van der Kolk M.D] Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma [Peter A. Levine] When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress- Disease Connection [Gabor Mate M.D] Mindful Compassion [Choden and Paul Gilbert] Here are a few websites that offer resources and educational material for parents. Free Forest school has been added to this list, as I believe in the benefits of child-led play, exercise, and getting outside in nature. www.instituteofchildpsychology.com www.heysigmund.com www.neufeldinstitute.org www.simplicityparenting.com https://www.freeforestschool.org/free-forest-school-find/ This week is Mental Health Awareness Week and I would like to share a few important pieces of information about what mental health is, why it’s important, how to ensure you are taking care of your mental health, and how to get the help you need. What is mental health? When I help people in my counselling sessions, I refer to mental health as feeling balanced and well equipped to manage stress. There will always be stressors in our lives and we can only reduce them to a certain degree. Learning how to better manage these stressors is key. Why is mental health important? When people struggle with mental health issues, they usually have difficulties making healthy choices. When unhealthy choices are made, there are often negative consequences which can increase the risk of developing more serious mental health problems or which can impact their physical health and lead to problems such as heart attack, stroke, and diabetes. Mental health issues can also affect relationships and socio-economic status. There are definitely many factors that could be contributing to mental health issues that could be out of someone’s control such as: - Lack of resources - Lack of education and training - Genetic predisposition for mental health disorders - Chronic health conditions - Living in poverty - Living in an abusive environment - Being exposed to trauma - Being a minority It is important for us to not only improve and maintain our mental health but help increase awareness, decrease stigma, and become involved in our communities to improve access and resources for those who might be at greater risk of being affected by mental health problems. How to ensure you are getting the help you need There are a variety of things that you can do to improve your situation, maintain your mental health status, and prevent mental health problems. Here are some examples of healthy behaviours that indicate that my clients are taking good care of their mental health and some things that we can all do to ensure we are staying healthy: - Asking for help - Taking personal responsibility - Saying no and delegating tasks - Establishing healthy boundaries with friends and family and at work - Exercising by making it a priority - Sleeping well by making it a priority - Eating healthy and balanced - Reducing or limiting mood-altering substances - Connecting with friends and family and meeting new people - Being open and honest about feelings and thoughts - Taking risks by learning or trying something new - Finding gratitude in everyday life - Contributing to society by working or volunteering - Participating and belonging to a community - Engaging in meaningful activities/hobbies - Reducing unnecessary stressors - Getting help from a trained, qualified professional How can you get help? Get counselling! There is no better time to get connected with a counsellor. Not only are there many online and telephone counselling options available - which can be accessed from the comfort of your own home - but also many options that are freely available. Free services - Usually available through your local, provincial health authority - Typically complete an intake assessment to determine program eligibility - Varying length of time to get accepted into a program; anywhere from same day to a month depending on the type of services required and needed - These services usually offer short term counselling which is around 10 sessions with the same counsellor - There are some programs that offer single / same day sessions by walk-in appointments- these are usually with different counsellors each time. - Hotline and distress call centres are available in times of crisis or if experiencing suicidal thoughts - Homewood Health is currently offering free mental health counselling and support services to people of all ages across Canada during the COVID-19 crisis. These services can be accessed at wellnesstogether.ca or by calling 1-866-585-0445. Employee and Family Assistance Program (EFAP) - Some employers provide EFAP services to their employees which consists of short term counselling services and other supports and resources to the employee and their family - ask your employer or HR department if you receive EFAP benefits - Total number of sessions vary depending on the employers program and is usually anywhere from 4-10 or more. - It’s as simple as calling the intake department and setting up an appointment with a counsellor. - Waiting time varies from same day to a few days. - No payment necessary as this is a service covered automatically by the employers’ contract with Homewood or other EFAP provider. - Completely confidential and the workplace does not have to know. Private Practice Many health insurance providers cover up to $1000 per year in coverage for counselling services. These services can be offered by: - A licensed and registered social worker with a master’s degree MSW - A licensed and registered psychologist with a master’s or PhD and sometimes other professionals depending on your insurance policy - You can do a google search for a local counsellor, or check out a registry of different counsellors by visiting www.psychologytoday.com - Not all counsellors advertise and you can sometimes find them by word of mouth, through a family member or friend, or your doctor - Payment is usually completed the same day and cost can range anywhere from $50-200 per session. - Receipts can be submitted the same day and fees can be reimbursed within hours to a few days. Receipts can also be submitted at tax time if there is no insurance coverage. - There is usually no limit to how many sessions you can receive and some counsellors can provide longer session length Benefits of counselling - Objective perspective - Confidential - Professional and trained - To improve communication and interpersonal skills - To improve self esteem and confidence - To learn healthy coping skills to manage mental health symptoms - To learn how to develop healthy relationships - To receive help with addictions, eating disorders, and other maladaptive behaviours - To learn how to help your friends and family members - For grieving support - Coping with chronic pain and health conditions - Support and learning how to improve parenting skills - Improve self-awareness and empathy - To receive validation and support - Support with making decisions - To receive feedback and encouragement - To challenge negative thoughts and beliefs People of all ages, with different concerns can receive counselling and benefit greatly. There are no problems too big or too small and you don’t have to have a mental health disorder to receive counselling; it is beneficial for everyone regardless if there is a problem or not. It helps to talk to someone who is experienced, qualified, and objective. Check out my website for information about how I may be able to help you. www.soulaspirecounselling.ca Most, if not all, of us are familiar with what it feels like to experience anxiety: fear of the unknown, feeling out of control, restlessness, sleeplessness, and physical sensations like a racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, and muscle tension. Anxiety is mentioned in the news, on social media, in conversations, and it’s the most talked about problem in my counselling sessions; there are not many good things said about anxiety. Not a lot of people want to experience more anxiety, and rarely ever do they talk about its’ benefits. Most people want to STOP or ELIMINATE anxiety entirely.
I hate to break it to you but we cannot stop or eliminate anxiety! Anxiety will be part of your life forever. On the bright side, it doesn’t always have to make you feel badly. As hard as it might be to believe, anxiety has the potential to change and work with you. It can help motivate you, encourage you to make different life choices, and keep you safe. This will likely, however, take some time, some patience, and help from a trained professional. I understand how complicated it is to experience the symptoms of anxiety; I sometimes struggle with it, too. I have had to focus on my own skills that I’ve developed over the years and sometimes I talk to my own therapist. Lately, it has been more demanding in my sessions with my clients because there has been a significant increase in people seeking help for anxiety. I have to be honest to myself and everyone I talk to in that coping with anxiety can be very challenging. There are no quick or easy solutions and it truly does take time, effort, and patience. The good news is that there are helpful strategies and, over time, it does get easier to manage the symptoms of anxiety, but you will have to change your relationship with anxiety rather than try to avoid it. I would like to share some therapeutic tools that can help you learn from, and allow you to have a different type of relationship with, anxiety. I will provide one example for each of the tools using COVID-19-related concerns as the presenting problem. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) Anxiety serves the purpose of trying to protect you and keep you safe and likes to remind you of past experiences that weren’t very pleasant. CBT is an approach that can help you understand where the negative thoughts and feelings come from. You can then determine if these thoughts are still helpful and relevant to your current situation. A lot of the time, our current situation might be different from past experiences and it is, therefore, important to remind ourselves, when we experience anxiety, that we are safe and this is a different problem and a different time. An exercise to try: Trigger/situation: You are listening to the news and you hear about the increase in COVID-19 cases Feelings/Thoughts: You feel worried, anxious, concerned, and sad. Your most distressing thought is: What if I contract COVID-19? CBT strategy: Ask yourself: what is the evidence that supports/gives validity to this thought? Your answers might be, for example:
Helpful thoughts are those that are accurate and can help us achieve our goals and improve our quality of life whereas unhelpful thoughts are inaccurate and usually have the opposite effect. In this situation, with COVID-19, some of these concerns and thoughts could be helpful, but lets look at the next question first. Ask yourself: What is the evidence against the distressing thought? Your answers might be, for example:
Your answers to this question might be:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0G-UZ321l8M&t=7s Acceptance and Commitment Therapy This form of behavioural therapy helps you to learn how to create more space for anxiety and other unpleasant emotions while focusing on what matters to you in the present moment. This differs from CBT because it’s not about challenging your thoughts but more about being aware of them and not letting them get in the way of what matters to you. Keep in mind, it doesn’t mean you are avoiding anxiety, rather, recognizing that it doesn’t have to bother you all day in every moment. When we focus and engage in meaningful activities and pay attention to what we value the most, we teach anxiety that things are ok and we are willing to better understand anxiety in terms of what purpose it is trying to serve in a relationship with us. An exercise you can practice using this method is the following: When you are enjoying an activity but you keep thinking about COVID-19 and feel anxious, imagine that the thought or anxiety is someone you can talk back to. You can say, “Oh, hi, anxious thought. I didn’t expect you to be here. I am a little busy and having fun right now painting a picture, so I am going to continue doing this and enjoy myself. See you later!” This is a very different type of strategy that works very well for some people. Check out this video below for more information. https://www.youtube.com/watch? Dialectical Behavioural therapy (DBT) This form of therapy has many strategies to offer us in how to have a healthier relationship with our emotions. One of these tools is called Opposite Action. When we experience symptoms of anxiety, many of us are tempted to take action to decrease it right away or avoid it altogether. Sometimes these actions end up being unhealthy for us and can actually create further problems with anxiety later on. An exercise to try: Opposite Action is a coping strategy that can help us change a negative behaviour into a healthier, more productive behaviours. Here is just one example: Let’s say that during this pandemic, a family member you are living with asks you to go outside for a walk but your action is to avoid the outdoors for fear of contracting COVID-19. The consequences of staying inside and avoiding the walk might be:
And the benefits might be:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DYbCY-XV3k Narrative Therapy Sometimes it is helpful to understand how anxiety is influencing us and to remember the times when we had more influence over anxiety. When anxiety has more influence it might feel like we have less power and less hope as it can create significant problems in our daily life. Narrative therapy is an approach that helps people to recognize situations where they can resist anxiety’s influence in creating problems. This can be a creative and playful approach to helping oneself and others, as the problems are externalized rather than feeling powerless and out of control. We can learn that anxiety isn’t as scary as we once believed it to be. For example: This can be a very good exercise to use with kids but it can also be fun to use as an adult. If you were to be playful and creative and imagine that your anxiety were a character, say, the Worry Dragon, you can ask yourself the following questions:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEVzlnJcfXU Getting the help you need It is normal to experience anxiety from time to time. There will always be hard times and set backs; life doesn’t always go as planned. Further, it can be even more difficult when one is tired, hungry, over-stimulated, or under-stimulated. It is, therefore, very important to engage in self-care practices that reduce your vulnerability to suffering from anxiety. The symptoms of anxiety can be very serious and cause major problems for many people, which may lead to requiring medical attention and medication, in some cases. That being said, the examples above are just a few of the exercises that can help. Many people have health insurance and Employee Family Assistance Programs (EFAP) that cover the cost of counselling. There are also a lot of free services available for those who do not have benefits (https://www.cbc.ca/radio/opp/if-you-want-to-talk-to-someone-here-s-a-list-of-resources-that-might-help-1.4603730). Please talk to your healthcare provider if anxiety is affecting you in a negative way or ask for help from a trained professional. It has been two weeks now since many of the schools, daycares, and public services have closed their doors due to the COVID-19 pandemic. It has been a busy week providing counselling services but I have been amazed at hearing the stories about resiliency, strength, and the healthy choices people are making during this tough time.
With all the news stories and social media posts, the theme that sticks out for me the most is survival. This health care crisis has been one of the biggest and most serious events in our lifetime and it already has had, and will continue to have, an effect on us in so many different ways. One of the books I have remembered and thought of recently regarding survival is Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, a neurologist and psychiatrist from Austria. Although his story is about experience living in a concentration camp during the Holocaust, our current global health crisis still creates some similar circumstances such as illness, loss, fear, and isolation. Stories like Frankl’s can inspire us and also put things into perspective. We will have our own stories about survival through this major event in history, just like we have stories from before and there will be stories after this is all said and done. In Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl observed and theorized a few different factors as to how people can survive suffering and tragedy. I want to focus on three of those points: choice, purpose, and meaning. Choice: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose their own way” – Victor Frankl When circumstances in our lives become challenging, we are more at risk to make unhealthy choices that can affect us - and those around us - and there are always consequences to these actions. There are times when we might feel as though we have limited options to choose from and this can make things more complicated and dreadful. Regardless of our shortcomings and negative experiences, we have choices on how we can respond to difficult circumstances and we have decisions to make for which we must take responsibility. In this situation now, these choices might be: • Practicing self-care - making healthy choices with sleep, eating, and exercise, limiting substances and unhealthy foods • Engaging in activities we enjoy • Asking for help, talk about your feelings- especially with the people you live with • Being considerate to others and helping one another • Reducing unnecessary stressors • Setting limits, boundaries, and expectations with others • Accepting what we have no control over vs. what we do have control over Making the right choices for ourselves moment to moment can influence our thoughts and feelings and give us a sense of hope. When we choose to engage in meaningful activities and connect with others, and ourselves, it makes it easier to find purpose and experience pleasure. Meaning and Purpose: “Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for” – Viktor Frankl Frankl believed that we can find our own meanings when we: • Adjust our attitude about suffering and find some purpose in it • Create daily and long term plans for ourselves and/or our family • Engage in creative projects like art and music • Develop relationships such as reaching out to family and friends by telephone calls, text, or emails • Help others by giving and sharing • Create goals based on what you value and work towards these goals • Engage in our hobbies and interests • Continue to foster learning and personal development • Search for gratitude Finding meaning in our lives should be an everyday practice regardless of what is happening in the world. In a world that is more connected than ever before, it’s surprising that more people seem to suffer from loneliness, mental health, and addiction. It doesn’t take a pandemic like COVID-19 to create these problems. These problems already existed and will continue to exist unless we help ourselves and other people despite our differences and struggles. By focusing on making good choices and on what gives us meaning can help us build resilience, motivation, and live life with purpose. |
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